It started with the familiar tugging within the chest area. A black cloud began to loom over my body, sucking out the sunshine and making my smile fade slowly. I don't truly have a plausible reason as to why my body suddenly acts in this manner. It's sudden, harsh and unforgiving.
I feel as if all strength has left my body. Emotionally and physically, I feel weak. More often than once I've succumbed to tears, not really understanding why. I feel that whenever I try to focus on happier memories, they're overshadowed by the darker and sadder memories I've picked up through my life.
This motion never really lasts very long, only a day at least. But when it comes, it's random, and I never expect it. Often I'm telling the people I care about that I'm fine, and I give them a smile, but inside, it's almost as if a crushing emptiness is threatening to overwhelm me.
Is this just ordinary 'blues'? Maybe. I'm no expert in emotional behaviour, but I know I often feel worthless at these points. I just want to curl into a ball and fade away from the world.
It isn't a very reassuring feeling to be feeling this on the eve of your eighteenth birthday either.